Respectfully, I want to say 'you first.' Have you killed your ego? I don't think that's possible - without an ego you cannot survive. Can we be careful with the ego and stay alert to the excesses and stay alert to the fact that our ego is not really in charge? Yes, absolutely, but in my world, killing the ego is suicide. That's the only way that survival tool will die.
While I can't claim total demise, I can claim incapacitation. My ego is bedridden. It is an invalid now.
How? At what cost to the "system" that is me? By firstly removing the egos primary objective.
TO WIN. At anything. Whenever the urge to win bubbles up, I stop it. At first this was very uncomfortable. The urge to win became insistent and virtually constant. My mind pressed me and would not let it go to the point of obsession which made me feel like doing something, anything, just to relieve the constant pestering. To go ahead and win the argument, the job, the money, the man, the game and prove myself right. Using any motivation I would accept that validated the use of the ego as a tool. The hammer poised, mid-whack. Stymied. And if all else failed to bring the swing of the hammer, the ego, to completion, YES, that I would surely die if I didn't use it. Very uncomfortable.
Then what I'll call integrity took its place. I no longer felt hot for the fight or the need to prove my rightness or a need for victory of any kind. The longer I delayed ego gratification, the more it lost it's motivation until at times I couldn't remember why I thought I wanted a particular "thing".
I acquired a new freedom. I was no longer personally attached to the outcome of a situation.
Does this mean I simply accept any and all outcomes be they in my favor or against? Not exactly. What it results in is my standing by my true thoughts and values without concern for the outcome and generally experiencing a positive outcome because I have been true to myself. So regardless of outcome rather than due to it, I am satisfied in myself. Regardless as well of the opinion of the world about the outcome. No matter how it appears. though the world works mightily to dissuade me on this.
As Popeye The Sailor Man sez, "I am who I am and that's all that I am."
If that's a failure, then so be it. I'm a failure. But at what? In specific concrete example - I look pretty terrible most days. Partly because I've been ill for so long, but partly because I've let vanity go by the wayside. Perhaps a little too much, but I only have a limited amount of energy and have to choose where to spend it. Making myself look good isn't high on the energy expenditure list, so it's relegated to low priority.
I am reacted to by the world because of my choice. It's not great, the reactions. When my ego was more robust, I would find myself condescending to those who judged me by my looks as superficial, etc. I would strive to attain an inner superiority to them and their opinion of me. Then I realized this judgment, too, required energy and this energy expended by the ego kept me ensnared. A slave to something I had no desire to be enslaved to.
So, piece by piece, I chipped away and dismantled my ego and what I gained was freedom. I was no longer a slave to other's opinions or judgments of my physical appearance and I had no need to denigrate them over theirs.
So, do I slip beck and does my ego rear up like a comatose patient in its' last days with a burst of energy and clarity? YES. Do I have to push it back and withhold sustenance and disengage from situations that demand ego driven responses? YES. Does this seem threatening and even cruel at times? YES. Has there been a price to pay in the world for this? YES.
But the rewards are greater, so I carry on.
I remember reading the book SIDDHARTHA by Hermann Hesse many years ago and where Siddhartha found himself at the end of the story struck me as the place I wanted to be as well. My description will not do justice to the sending, but here I go - Siddhartha ended up sitting by the side of a river after having led a life of towering highs and abysmal lows, doing nothing but watching the water flow and needing nothing more.
Siddhartha was inspirational to my young mind, but as I've matured, Jesus has shown me how to couple that egoless empty vessel to loving God and waiting and accepting whatever He fills me with. Which has become the greatest joy. That filling. To overflowing if I relinquish control. If I relinquish ego and let it die.
You are 100%. Anyone who purports a life that seems this far off the beaten path needs to go first. That's only right and fair.
WOW! That is super impressive Pirate! I LOVE this. I love that you are clear in your process and I too have been attempting to do this but in a much more vague, easy-going way. I'm not as confident in my support as you are, so I guess I've got to do more praying or meditating to connect with that source more often or probably more deeply than I have been doing. I find encouragement and assistance from your words, which are very powerful indeed. Thank you for the guidance and sharing your profound wisdom. I'm going to have to read this on the daily for a bit. xo ❤️ Maybe it's once again one of those "it's got to be the going, not the getting there...." that's important. Isn't it profound and hilarious that you can quote Popeye under these circumstances. It's wonderful! Siddartha and Popeye! What a team! LOL
Ego - such an interesting question for all of us! I think that Jesus never needed ego because He never doubted Himself, His worth. We only, I only, feel we need to prove our worth to others' eyes because we doubt our own worth. We need to prove it and have it reflected back to us. We didn't need to as a child, it is something we acquired. Somebody put it in our heads that we were less than good. Guilt - we did something we were not proud of and we had insufficient self-awareness, and no one counselled us, so the weeds began to grow. And one of your sentences really rang out for me - "Every father who denigrates his offspring"! Wow and bingo! Can you imagine the level of self doubt, self loathing to do this to your children? Can we want to understand one of these, how he came to be that way so as not to hate him, and do so as much for ourselves as for him?
Then Jesus comes to us, is born in us and brings back to life that innocent child, that child that wasn't protected, not by anyone, not even by ourselves. He comes and stills the troubled waters of our souls. Perhaps for some, the religion of Christianity wants us to parrot Paul's words, "O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?" Romans 7:24 But that is not the Good Shepherd Jesus. He is the One when we have been rescued who puts a ring on our finger and a robe on our back and has an enormous celebration! The prodigal son of Luke 15. He is the one who leaves the flock to rescue the one lost sheep, not because it is worthless but because it is infinitely valuable! So the ego is really an illness. It is not something to be gotten rid of but something to be replaced so that it is no longer necessary. It is like a crutch for a damaged ankle. Jesus restores the ankle so that we can walk again. We don't need to pretend that we are valuable, we need to know it and then we won't need to show it. Christ is not a striving towards but a returning to that which we are, the Christ child restored within, the regaining of what we lost so long ago we don't even remember who we were. If we believe that we are the bad tree, then the fruit will be bad. If Jesus has restored our sight, we know who we are again before...
How many times I needed to sit in meditation and repeat the words of Psalm 46:10 changing one letter only:
"Be still and know that I am good!"
"Be still and know that I am good!"
"Be still and know that I am good!"
No one can take that away from me again. Yes, I may still on occasion behave pathologically, out of 'pathos' or suffering. But I know where it is coming from and that it is not me.
Sorry for the long rant Pirate - you really struck a chord for me with this one!
I want you to be well, to get better. I am asking Jesus to make it so for you! Your beauty shines through!
also i read someone asked some guru " how do we become humble ? the answer from guru ... well brother, what do we have to be proud of ??? OUR HEAVENLY FATHER IS A HUMBLE GIVER WE ARE PROUD BEGGERS SAID GURU
It's the same illness as when I was in the hospital over a month ago. It's a long game and I have no idea if I'll ever "get over it".
I am learning to manage it. Piece by piece. For instance, I've learned what causes the breathlessness that not only makes it hard to walk across a room but impossible to sleep since it increases upon lying down to sleep. I also developed a kind of sleep apnea that goes with the breathlessness.
All this breathing dysfunction was due to fluid retention. If I can keep retained fluids below a certain level (which I can feel), breathlessness stops.
So far so good and what a relief.
Next I tackle other issues. I keep going. I suppose this is my job right now.
Eventually, I hope to find a root cause or at least probable cause. I have some directions to pursue and will see what I find. My guess at this point is frequency disruption.
How are you doing? I know you face your own health issues as well.
I will travel with you on this journey, God willing.
Thank you. This means a great deal to me.
Respectfully, I want to say 'you first.' Have you killed your ego? I don't think that's possible - without an ego you cannot survive. Can we be careful with the ego and stay alert to the excesses and stay alert to the fact that our ego is not really in charge? Yes, absolutely, but in my world, killing the ego is suicide. That's the only way that survival tool will die.
Throw that gauntlet, Gurl!
While I can't claim total demise, I can claim incapacitation. My ego is bedridden. It is an invalid now.
How? At what cost to the "system" that is me? By firstly removing the egos primary objective.
TO WIN. At anything. Whenever the urge to win bubbles up, I stop it. At first this was very uncomfortable. The urge to win became insistent and virtually constant. My mind pressed me and would not let it go to the point of obsession which made me feel like doing something, anything, just to relieve the constant pestering. To go ahead and win the argument, the job, the money, the man, the game and prove myself right. Using any motivation I would accept that validated the use of the ego as a tool. The hammer poised, mid-whack. Stymied. And if all else failed to bring the swing of the hammer, the ego, to completion, YES, that I would surely die if I didn't use it. Very uncomfortable.
Then what I'll call integrity took its place. I no longer felt hot for the fight or the need to prove my rightness or a need for victory of any kind. The longer I delayed ego gratification, the more it lost it's motivation until at times I couldn't remember why I thought I wanted a particular "thing".
I acquired a new freedom. I was no longer personally attached to the outcome of a situation.
Does this mean I simply accept any and all outcomes be they in my favor or against? Not exactly. What it results in is my standing by my true thoughts and values without concern for the outcome and generally experiencing a positive outcome because I have been true to myself. So regardless of outcome rather than due to it, I am satisfied in myself. Regardless as well of the opinion of the world about the outcome. No matter how it appears. though the world works mightily to dissuade me on this.
As Popeye The Sailor Man sez, "I am who I am and that's all that I am."
If that's a failure, then so be it. I'm a failure. But at what? In specific concrete example - I look pretty terrible most days. Partly because I've been ill for so long, but partly because I've let vanity go by the wayside. Perhaps a little too much, but I only have a limited amount of energy and have to choose where to spend it. Making myself look good isn't high on the energy expenditure list, so it's relegated to low priority.
I am reacted to by the world because of my choice. It's not great, the reactions. When my ego was more robust, I would find myself condescending to those who judged me by my looks as superficial, etc. I would strive to attain an inner superiority to them and their opinion of me. Then I realized this judgment, too, required energy and this energy expended by the ego kept me ensnared. A slave to something I had no desire to be enslaved to.
So, piece by piece, I chipped away and dismantled my ego and what I gained was freedom. I was no longer a slave to other's opinions or judgments of my physical appearance and I had no need to denigrate them over theirs.
So, do I slip beck and does my ego rear up like a comatose patient in its' last days with a burst of energy and clarity? YES. Do I have to push it back and withhold sustenance and disengage from situations that demand ego driven responses? YES. Does this seem threatening and even cruel at times? YES. Has there been a price to pay in the world for this? YES.
But the rewards are greater, so I carry on.
I remember reading the book SIDDHARTHA by Hermann Hesse many years ago and where Siddhartha found himself at the end of the story struck me as the place I wanted to be as well. My description will not do justice to the sending, but here I go - Siddhartha ended up sitting by the side of a river after having led a life of towering highs and abysmal lows, doing nothing but watching the water flow and needing nothing more.
Siddhartha was inspirational to my young mind, but as I've matured, Jesus has shown me how to couple that egoless empty vessel to loving God and waiting and accepting whatever He fills me with. Which has become the greatest joy. That filling. To overflowing if I relinquish control. If I relinquish ego and let it die.
You are 100%. Anyone who purports a life that seems this far off the beaten path needs to go first. That's only right and fair.
I have a long way to go.
WOW! That is super impressive Pirate! I LOVE this. I love that you are clear in your process and I too have been attempting to do this but in a much more vague, easy-going way. I'm not as confident in my support as you are, so I guess I've got to do more praying or meditating to connect with that source more often or probably more deeply than I have been doing. I find encouragement and assistance from your words, which are very powerful indeed. Thank you for the guidance and sharing your profound wisdom. I'm going to have to read this on the daily for a bit. xo ❤️ Maybe it's once again one of those "it's got to be the going, not the getting there...." that's important. Isn't it profound and hilarious that you can quote Popeye under these circumstances. It's wonderful! Siddartha and Popeye! What a team! LOL
I for one will stick with you Pirate!
Ego - such an interesting question for all of us! I think that Jesus never needed ego because He never doubted Himself, His worth. We only, I only, feel we need to prove our worth to others' eyes because we doubt our own worth. We need to prove it and have it reflected back to us. We didn't need to as a child, it is something we acquired. Somebody put it in our heads that we were less than good. Guilt - we did something we were not proud of and we had insufficient self-awareness, and no one counselled us, so the weeds began to grow. And one of your sentences really rang out for me - "Every father who denigrates his offspring"! Wow and bingo! Can you imagine the level of self doubt, self loathing to do this to your children? Can we want to understand one of these, how he came to be that way so as not to hate him, and do so as much for ourselves as for him?
Then Jesus comes to us, is born in us and brings back to life that innocent child, that child that wasn't protected, not by anyone, not even by ourselves. He comes and stills the troubled waters of our souls. Perhaps for some, the religion of Christianity wants us to parrot Paul's words, "O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?" Romans 7:24 But that is not the Good Shepherd Jesus. He is the One when we have been rescued who puts a ring on our finger and a robe on our back and has an enormous celebration! The prodigal son of Luke 15. He is the one who leaves the flock to rescue the one lost sheep, not because it is worthless but because it is infinitely valuable! So the ego is really an illness. It is not something to be gotten rid of but something to be replaced so that it is no longer necessary. It is like a crutch for a damaged ankle. Jesus restores the ankle so that we can walk again. We don't need to pretend that we are valuable, we need to know it and then we won't need to show it. Christ is not a striving towards but a returning to that which we are, the Christ child restored within, the regaining of what we lost so long ago we don't even remember who we were. If we believe that we are the bad tree, then the fruit will be bad. If Jesus has restored our sight, we know who we are again before...
How many times I needed to sit in meditation and repeat the words of Psalm 46:10 changing one letter only:
"Be still and know that I am good!"
"Be still and know that I am good!"
"Be still and know that I am good!"
No one can take that away from me again. Yes, I may still on occasion behave pathologically, out of 'pathos' or suffering. But I know where it is coming from and that it is not me.
Sorry for the long rant Pirate - you really struck a chord for me with this one!
I want you to be well, to get better. I am asking Jesus to make it so for you! Your beauty shines through!
That’s written so beautifully!
Thank you!
also i read someone asked some guru " how do we become humble ? the answer from guru ... well brother, what do we have to be proud of ??? OUR HEAVENLY FATHER IS A HUMBLE GIVER WE ARE PROUD BEGGERS SAID GURU
i read ...ego death comes naturally when we meet the TRANSCENDANT GOODNESS ,TRUTH LOVE AND GRACE OF OUR FATHER WHICH ART IN HEAVEN... etc
It's the same illness as when I was in the hospital over a month ago. It's a long game and I have no idea if I'll ever "get over it".
I am learning to manage it. Piece by piece. For instance, I've learned what causes the breathlessness that not only makes it hard to walk across a room but impossible to sleep since it increases upon lying down to sleep. I also developed a kind of sleep apnea that goes with the breathlessness.
All this breathing dysfunction was due to fluid retention. If I can keep retained fluids below a certain level (which I can feel), breathlessness stops.
So far so good and what a relief.
Next I tackle other issues. I keep going. I suppose this is my job right now.
Eventually, I hope to find a root cause or at least probable cause. I have some directions to pursue and will see what I find. My guess at this point is frequency disruption.
How are you doing? I know you face your own health issues as well.
Thank you.